Unsure2019 ( member #71350) posted at 4:37 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2026
Soon2B,
Your WW’s preference for a separation vs. divorce feels like an attempt to keep you in the wings as a plan B and control you and the narrative. I think it’s past time for you to assert yourself. I would tell her that your marriage is over, you won’t be getting back together and you’re moving on so a separation makes no sense. It’s time to cut the cord.
paquito77 ( new member #84569) posted at 8:37 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2026
Hello. First, I want to say how sorry I am about what you’re going through. Second, I’m Spanish, and I could tell you horror stories about divorces in Spain. Be careful; try to make the divorce as amicable as possible. In this country, all a woman has to do is file a complaint of abuse—without any evidence—and you can immediately lose custody. Even if the accusation is proven false, for her it’s merely a minor offense with no consequences. I know of cases where women file these kinds of complaints one after another for years; then, once all the complaints have been dismissed and custody is finally assessed, prosecutors argue that the child has already become accustomed to the situation and that granting the father custody would be a detrimental change for the child. Be careful. It is one of the worst countries to be a man.
Sharkman ( member #56818) posted at 9:53 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2026
The affair is ongoing. You have literally no choice but to divorce.
I hate to over-simplify but it is what it is.
The ball is in her court to convince you to change that outcome that you need to get moving ASAP.
Firstcutisthedeepest ( new member #87479) posted at 10:03 PM on Sunday, September 27th, 2026
Soon2B
I have followed your dilemma with real concern for your current and future wellbeing how are you doing?
Soon2B (original poster new member #87642) posted at 12:02 PM on Wednesday, September 30th, 2026
@Firstcutisthedeepest, thanks for your concern. I've moved additional discussion and follow-up to the thread below so I could get a greater breadth of opinions.
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/667431/minimization-rug-sweeping-and-comfort/?ap=1
Me - BS (45) WW (47)
Married 13 years; 2 pre-teens
Affair length 9 months
D-Day June 10, 2026
Sharkman ( member #56818) posted at 3:22 AM on Thursday, October 1st, 2026
You need to get the lawyer to file. There is literally no reason not to. The reason she is treading water is it’s allowing them to protect the business against the divorce. Having papers filed does nothing to change your relationship with your wife other than maybe helping her get her head out of her ass.
Honestly, are you going to let her kiss you goodbye when you send her off to her boyfriend on their next business trip. I hate to be blunt, but by to imagine you explaining the situation to a friend.
