Hey guys
I hope everybody is well. After some deliberation (and one too many visits to Chat GPT without feeling the human response) I have decided to share an episode of heavily suspected infidelity (or willingness to explore infidelity) via this forum.
I will appreciate any constructive feedback, your thoughts on the situation and any advice in recovering and rebuilding self worth.
I will try and be as succint as possible. Two years ago I started dating a girl. It became clear to me she was still frequenting an adult dating website and I explained if she was serious about this relationship she would need to leave as I wanted exclusivity. She agreed, however, the very next day created a hollow profile and continued to log in for around 8 months before this escalated to a full profile with a topless photo (face obscured) and a bio which read 'cant seem to keep away. Been here before and had some amazing times with great guys, maybe its time to start looking again'. I am not proud to admit the following but the reason she was discovered on this site was because I felt she wouldn't leave and intermittently monitored this situation.
In the intervening 8 months from alleged activity on the site having stopped and a profile being fully rendered I asked her if she missed the site, needed what it offered and was told repeatedly she didnt. In fact all messages between us and interactions were great and loving and she would continually assure me she was loyal etc when we had this conversation.
When confronted about being on the site with some very clear signalling to others and an apparent willingness to cheat she informed me it was sabotage and she was so happy with me and she didnt know how to process happiness but had no intention to do anything with anybody and merely used the site for the forums and knew I would invariably see her on the site with the pic and immediately block her. However when confronted she fought hard and has pleaded her justification every time we have spoke and to me (knowing this woman as I know her) is gaslighting and some strange form of minimisation and manipulation of events.
I have struggled with horrific self worth since (approx 18 months now since discovery) and have lost the ability to not only trust others but my own judgment, reinforced by my lack of enforcing boundaries by not ending it. I asked her to sit with me to prove no interactions or messages too place with the caveat of logging in with me and not in isolation alone yet she did which only fuels further speculation the account needing cleansing before her details could be shared.
I dont think I can handle the ongoing impact of this any longer and I am seriously considering ending it. What do you guys think? Its a messy situation and I have handled so much of this incorrectly and know I need to work on myself quite heavily moving forward but your thoughts on her intentions and subsequent 'explanation'
Thanking you in advance for any responses
